In the Mysore room every morning, I see many students effortlessly go up into headstands, Salamba Sirsasana. They set their hands up, put their crown of their head on the floor and lift their legs. Just like that. Breathe 20 breaths, legs come down half way, breathe some more then come down to child's pose. Simple right? We are Ashtanga Yogis and this is what you do.
I wish!
I get to that part of the closing sequence and first do a few modified handstands without putting my head on the floor....arm balances really. I do this to feel the connection to my shoulders and to make sure I am moving the shoulder blades down the back towards my hips. It is a nice prep posture; a modified dolphin pose.
This is what I imagine I look like trying to do a headstand.
Feeling confidant, I put my crown on the floor sink the shoulder blades and come up to my toes. Good so far. Good to go a little further, I start to walk my toes in while bending my knees and JAM JAM JAM!!! Those yoga fairies put cement in my spine again while I was sleeping! Damn you yoga fairies!!!! They come at night, they can either sprinkle you with the 'Amazing Practice' dust or the 'Cement' dust. They are tricky little tricksters! It's always nice to put the blame on someone else.....as long as you are aware you are doing it. Don't fool yourself.
The Green Absinth Fairy from Moulin Rouge
So I will try a couple of times lifting one foot then the other off the floor and that is it....child's pose. Defeated! Once again the yoga fairies won. You can almost hear their little, muffled giggles.
The other day, after teaching 3 classes, I thought it would be a good idea to try doing a headstand with the assistance of the wall. Try something new. Approach it with a clear mind. Wipe out any preconceived ideas about the pose. There is no Jam, Cement or Fairy Dust this time. I pump myself up.
My back is not to the wall but my feet are. My intention is to walk up the wall with my feet. I get set up. Placing couch pillows around me just in case I fall. My son is watching cartoons across the room, focused on the tv and has no idea what I am doing. I set up, doing the modified dolphin pose and ready to do a headstand. Determined to do a headstand. I picture myself in my mind doing a headstand. I know this time for sure.
I walk up the wall....pressure on the top of my head is still 10%. Good! Ok time to lift one foot away from the wall and point it up to the ceiling. My leg is moving in slow motion....foot points to the ceiling. OMG I feel balanced!!!! Freak out!!! Tense my upper back and neck and come down.
Child's pose....I hear no fairy giggling.
.........
.....
...
What the heck just happened? I freaked out! But I felt balanced? I could have brought my other foot up. But instead I freaked out because I felt balanced.
I get up, put all the pillows away and sit on the couch with my little boy.
The yoga fairies paid me a visit that night.
Yup.
I will tell you all about it in my next post.
In my life I can think of 12 people that have influenced me greatly.......so far. All in VERY different ways. I am thankful of all of them.
Ms. Forsyth - Grade 10 English Teacher
When I entered high school I really had no idea what was going on, who I was, what I was thinking, where I stood in myself, if I was still living or did I die with my mother a year before. I was always feeling like something was going to happen, something big and so I was perpetually in a ready state to attack. Fight or flight.....usually fight. I was quiet and shy but if you got in my territory.....watch out! Cause this is mine and you are not getting any of it!
What softened me was literature, poetry and Shakespeare. I would be swooned by books; even the smell of books. I would watch Dead Poets Society at least 3 times a week. I was in my own little world of Byron and Shakespeare. My Grade Ten English teacher, Ms Forsyth, saw this in me and would suggest more great works to me. She read my poetry and would praise me for being so bold and raw. She was the first person to believe in me since my mother had gone. I am sure she knew that I needed some fantasy in my life to help me through the difficult times. I would tell her about the books she suggested after I read them and she would notice the life coming back in my checks.
There was an advanced level art history english class being brought in that a student would have to apply for and be accepted. It involved an art history class, special english class and a social studies class. At the end of the year the class would go to Europe and see where this history happen. It, also, include a trip to Assisi where our school's patron saint was born, lived and died. I applied in hopes I would be accepted even though my marks or my attendance were not that great. I did not make the cut and Ms. Forsyth told me in person so that I would not be discouraged. I was very disappointed but her faith in me made it easier to handle.
Many years ago, I went to see the new Merchant of Venice with my husband at the Globe theatre in downtown Calgary. (the version with Al Pacino) Ms Forsyth was there. We gave each other a quick nod hello. I was so overwhelmed with seeing her I had no words that could get past the lump in my throat. I wonder if she knows she helped re-shaped me as a person after experiencing so many devastating events in grade nine. The love of literature is still with me today.
Madonna
There are only three people on the list that I haven't met personally. Madonna is one of those people. I love Madonna! There are two things that Madonna did that influenced me significantly:
Truth or Dare
Her interview with Oprah
In her movie Truth or Dare, Madonna showed the world a side of her that had never been seen before. No not her boobs! That was old news. It was her journey through life without a mother. There is a part in the movie where she visits her mother's grave and lies next to it. The song in the background is Promise To Try. The lyrics to this song hit a very sensitive place in my heart.
Here is the part from the movie:
I saw Madonna on Oprah in 1998. She talked about Ashtanga Yoga. I have posted the video below. There is a part where she looks at the camera and says 'do yoga'. It has been edited out of this clip but it was in this interview. After seeing this I found a yoga studio and started my yoga journey. I am so grateful to her! There I times I feel that I know her so well because we share some deeply intimate things in common.
Craig Strukoff - My Husband
Oh yes, Baby, you made the list! Before I met Craig I swore I would not date anyone else because they would cut into my reading time. I was determined to become a hermit, only leaving the house to go to work. I met Craig at work. "Ha!" says the universe.
Craig has taken everything in me that I was not sure or shy about and validated it. He has introduced me to my True Self and fell in love with my True Self. He helps me, supports me and joins me on this Spiritual Path. He has helped me fine tune the gifts I have. He understands my intuition and that I am just not good a small talk. He finds humour in my bluntness. He is the encyclopedia and I am the card catalogue. He is my interpreter and my filter. He is a fantastic writer and would have wrote this a lot clearer and romantic..er then me. Thanks Spankie Roo for being my Spankie Roo!
Craig & I on our Wedding Day.
Todd Campbell - My boss at Van Houtte Coffee
Todd taught me that not all bosses are assholes. He taught me how to be a leader and a friend at the same time. He taught me that you don't need a degree to be a successful person in the corporate world. Todd was the Western Regional Marketing and Sales Manger for Van Houtte Coffee Services. During my interview with him, he gave me all these tests....personality test, aptitude test, math test. I failed all of them. He said that the personality test told him not to hire me because I do not take leadership well and tend to rebel. This is exactly why he hired me, he wanted someone that would think of things differently and be able to hold their ground. Yup that is me. Todd inspired me.
'People don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it."
There is a TED Talk that explains Todd the best HERE.
Shell Arkell - My best friend turned greatest enemy
I will keep this brief because she won't like me writing about her at all.
Shell and I were inseparable. We lived next door to each other, sharing a wall. For about a year we did everything together. For about a year I had forgotten everything I learned in junior high and through to my twenties about self worth and self esteem. For about a year I forgot about me. I was moulded into someone that suited Shell's needs and became a trophy best friend. As I slowly started to wake up to what was happening.....this was around the same time I started practicing Ashtanga yoga seriously.....I would rebel against her. Not talking to her for a few days or a week at a time. Our friendship did not survive Burning Man 2006 and we have not talked since. It got messy and then it just went away.
What did I learn from Shell? Some great tips about mothering that I still use to this day. I learned how to party until I could party no more. I learned to not hand my whole being over to someone because people do not know how to handle me with care. I learned that over time the deepest of wounds will heal but the scar will sometimes tingle as a reminder. When I feel that tingle I look back with a smile. Sometimes the greatest lessons are learned from your greatest enemy.
Jeff & Harmony Lichty - My Gurus
Here starts my long list of influential yogis.
I wrote a whole blog on these two people here. Here is a quote from it:
"Jeff & Harmony Lichtyhave been in my life as Gurus since I first started practicing in the Ashtanga tradition of yoga. About 3 months after I found Ashtanga yoga I attended a weekend intensive with J & H. I had never heard about the other 7 limbs of yoga until I met them. As they were talking about the philosophy I had tears in my eyes as I felt in my heart that I had finally found what I was looking for.....a 'coming home' feeling."
They opened up the world of Yoga Philosophy to me and are living examples of the teachings. Thank you for all you have taught me!
Ian Buchanan - One of my first Yoga teachers
After my first class with Ian I left the room crying. Ian took that class through a guided meditation at the end of practice that made Corpse Pose, Savasana, real. We were practicing death and our family members were selling all of our possessions in a garage sale! Ian tied all my buddhist studies to my new found yoga studies and he made it real. When I was at my most receptive, after an hour or more of yoga practice when my mind is calm and my body is too tired to react, Ian would take me on a journey of non-attachment. He has a gift of guided meditation. Also, he is a great teacher of Yoga and Buddhist philosophy. An expert in translating it to the modern, North American world.
Ram Dass
Ram Dass is love. His book 'Be Love Now' is amazing. I cannot convey here the message he has so I just suggest reading his book. His teaching are about loving awareness and bringing it into everything you do and think. His story is inspiring and a spiritual road map especially for people who's spiritual journey started with experimenting with psychedelics. You can make those glimpses of awareness your everyday life. I have not met Ram Dass personally but I can feel his love across the ocean.
By Dean Chamberlain
$teven Ra$pa - Event Planner Extraordinaire
This is a quote taken from Mr. Ra$pa's website: "Artist, performer, writer and director, $teven Ra$pa produces and lends his event production skills to private and public events ranging in size from 50 to 50,000. As an artist, arts advocate, noted personality and speaker, he regularly brings together innovative artists, gifted performers, DJs and musicians of stunning variety to create one-of-a-kind experiences ranging from ruckus to refined."
I have attended $teven's event production workshops at the Burning Man Leadership Summit in San Fran two years in a row. I have learned more from him then I did at college getting my event planning certificate. He knows how to direct people that want to be directed and engage people that just make trouble. He is inspiring to me because he is obviously living his life the way he wants to and is having a great time doing it.
Photo by Dave Mead
James Altucher - Blogger
James lives in New York with his Ashtanga Yogi wife Claudia. I discovered his blog about 6 months ago and read it everyday since. I first read his blog about being completely humiliated by yoga and then his how to be the luckiest guy alive blog. James inspired me to start writing a blog.....an honest blog. Raw and unedited to be politically correct. His how to be the luckiest guy alive blog I took to heart and has made me a better person. I encourage you to read a few of his posts and hope you love them as much as me.
In no way are these people in any kind of order of least to most inspiring! But I did leave the most humbling to the last. Ivan Strukoff - My son
Ivan is six years old. Having a son has given me a job for a lifetime. He knows how to make me smile deeply in my soul and he knows how to make me go completely crazy. Ivan has shown me what hard work really means and how precious sleep really is. I know how to love as only a mother can love because of my little dude. Ivan has shown me how to have fun again. He is magic!
Thank you to all these wonderful people and for all they have taught me.
I am trying to get comfortable with the idea that I am a stepping stone to many people in my life. Now try not to think that I am saying that I get stepped on or trampled on. I don't tolerate that and make my feelings known if that sort of thing is happening. You know like bullying. I had my fill in school and now know better because of those incidents a long time ago. I mean that when people meet me, they will get really close and when they get their fill, grow within themselves or are satisfied they are in a certain place, then they move into a different type of relationship with me. This usually means they become an acquaintance or someone I will only see once a month. I would like to think that they will come back one day but this rarely, if not never, happens.
Much of my day is spent wondering what I did or said to them to make them go away. Recently, I have been attempting to make this very unproductive and damaging thought process more positive and soothing. So that maybe one day it will dissipate completely. A very difficult practice.....harder than Marichyasana D. Well for me at least. It leaves me gasping for air with my hands bound behind my back. All the while, trying to hold the Fourth Bandha. Smile!
Reflecting on this thought process, I was reminded of a very enlightening blog by James Altucher, "How to Deal With Crappy People". In his blog he defines the four types of people for a friend that hasAsperger's Syndrome which means she has difficultly reading social cues in people and responding to them in the 'correct' way.
James' four types are people are as follows: 1. Happy People 2. People in Pain 3. Good People 4. Crappy People
The people I attract are in category number two, People in Pain. He goes on to point out that the '...unhappy people can easily turn into category #4. You always have to protect yourself first. Be compassionate but keep your boundaries. Your goal is your own peace of mind throughout the day, so you can focus on your own success....". This is where I fall short. I tend to give to much of myself and lose a good chunk of myself to these people. When I withdrawal after realizing what I have done, they tend to move to category #4. This story has been repeated many times in my life. This is a wheel that gets turned again and again. I must stop this or embrace it. I have tried to stop these types of relationships from happening and they still happen. No matter what steps are taken to prevent the detachment or even not giving into the friendship and staying detached from the beginning, the acquaintance stage will happen again and again. So I have decided to embrace this role of being a stepping stone. This will involve many hours of Svadhyaya, Self Study, to cultivate a self awareness to protect myself. And I will have to embody Satya, a commitment to truthfulness. I am not budging on my beliefs, practices or self preservation. People will come and go. I will always be here when they decided to take to return to the path or if they need a small fill up. How is this different then what I have been doing already? Well it's taking James' words to heart. I will be compassionate but keeping my boundaries. Don't give myself fully. Self preservation. SELF.....True Self preservation. Embody my practice and be an example.
"Lots of people like to be seeking God, but not too many want to actually get there". Ram Dass
