End of Days....2012

I remember waiting for the world to end in Y2K. Midnight hit and everything was the same. The first thing I did when I got back to my apartment that night was turn on my computer and it worked just fine. I really feel for those sushi restaurants that named themselves after such an uneventful moment. Sushi Y2K.....oh yeah, nothing happened. Planes did not fall out of the sky and every computer in the world didn't fail. Some of the worst things that happened was 150 slot machines stopped working at the racetracks in Delaware and the U.S. Naval Observatory, which runs the master clock that keeps the USA's official time, gave the date on its website as Jan. 1, 19100. 

But now 2012 is here. This is going to be it for sure! There are so many theories floating around out there that this is going to be our last year.
Here is a link to a great video from a guy at Nasa that explains many of the false theories:
http://www.space.com/12564-days-2012-nasa-scientist.html


(On a side note. If you want your brain to explode and have an hour to spare, there is another theory about 2012 out there. http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-2395498051948678069  Terence McKenna - Alien DreamTime I cannot even try to explain what he is saying or trying to describe.You have to be pretty openminded to understand or to even watch this video.)


Let's pretend that December 21, 2012 is going to be the end of the world. Or even better, let's pretend that 2012 is going to be a great year of transformation for humanity. What do I want to accomplish in my last days? What do I want to do to make the next 12 months stand out in my timeline?

I have made a list.
I want:
- to do a backbend, a handstand and a headstand. Need a healthy spine.
- to read at least 12 books. More would be better but let's start with 12.
- to travel to Europe with my wonderful husband, Craig.
- to participate in the Easter Seals Drop Zone in September. I will have to raise at least $1500 to do this, so be prepared to be asked for sponsorship.
- to improve my cardio health.
- to have a Mysore practice of at least 3 times a week.
- to spend more time with my family.
- to complete at least one of my home reno projects.
- to lose another 20 pounds.

I am sure that throughout this year this list will change and grow.  But this is what I have so far.
It is going to be a great year!
"Do it! Do it now!"

Happy New Year!!!!

Do Your Dharma!

My morning alarm rings and I hit snooze at least three times.  Slowly and reluctantly I roll out of bed, the the backs and bottoms of my feet so painfully stiff that I can hardly stand. Being careful not to look in the mirror, I put on the only pair of pants that fit me and a big hoodie to hide the jelly roll. Avoiding all the mirrors in the house is a difficult task because I have collected so many gold framed ones over the years. But I have an image in my mind of the way I look, and that is not what the figure in the mirror looks like at all.

Sitting at the breakfast table with my family, I can hardly keep my eyes open while I down the first of today's many coffees. It will give me a little boost to leave the house and get to work. I am going to be late again and I really don't care. Driving to my dead-end job, I have to keep the inside of the car cool and take care not to play any soothing music or else I will fall asleep. I put the local morning show on the radio so my annoyance with local, provincial and federal politics will keep me awake.

When I finally get to work, I plop down at my desk and get my slouch on, resting my chin on my left palm with my elbow propped up on the desk. I down another extra large coffee with three cream and three sugar like it's water, after 40 days of wandering in the desert. This is how I will stay for the next 8 hours, only moving to get more coffee, get lunch or slightly move my hand to answer the phone. I have zero motivation and am a slave to my internal mind chatter all day, which is the only part of me that doesn't tire out.

This is how I lived my life for almost two years.

I was pre-diabetic, overweight and had a hypo-thyroid. Being in this state of health really tried to slow me down but I still kept the pace up. Working, volunteering, partying, planning, teaching and parenting. I didn't get the message to slow down because I was too busy not slowing down. There was a battle in my body that I had no idea was happening.

I tried to loose weight with commercial diet plans, counting calories, cardio and raw food. Nothing worked! Of course not, I had a slow thyroid which controls your metabolism. Slow thyroid equals slow metabolism.

I could not concentrate because my mind was so cloudy. The fog was slowly making me crazy. I would beat myself up inside, telling myself that I was lazy cause I couldn't stay awake or that I was regressing to my teenaged years because I had no motivation. The internal slapping myself in the face while I lived in my car driving to a bunch of activities I didn't want to do. The voice of Sri K Pattabhi Jois, "Everyone can practice yoga, except lazy people" pouring on the guilt that I couldn't wake up to do my yoga practice.

Depression was starting to settle in and I was fully aware of it. The constant negative mind chatter became the normal and I was fully aware of it. The pounds of fat adding inches to my waistline and I was fully aware of it. The anger I felt and expressed was overwhelming because I was fully aware of what was happening to me. There was one thing I had to do to stop all of this and I was fully aware of it. My attachment to this unfulfilling life was strong. I wanted to stay in this rut because at least I knew it kept a roof over my head and food on my table.

I held on to this life with all my might and I would have done it for many more years. Finally God took over and dealt a card that ended the game. It was the choice I was looking for....it was the sign I was waiting for......I knew what I had to do and this time I did it. I had to choose between taking a job at work that would have continued my attachment to the this wrong life or get laid off. Knowing with my whole being that it was the right thing to do, I decided to get laid off.

This started a huge domino effect on all my decisions. I looked at things differently. No I was not going to that thing in the desert because I felt like I had to complete a project that I could no longer support. Instead I am going to stay home to support my son and his new journey into grade one. No I am not going to support a community of people that consistently trampled on me over the past five years. Instead I am going support my family and watch them grow in confidence and love over a lifetime. No I am not going to do a job just to bring home the bread and butter. Instead I am going to do my Dharma....do what I am meant to do. That is to teach yoga and critical alignment therapy.

This has made all the difference. I have lost more than 30 pounds, no longer pre-diabetic, healed my thyroid and am closer to my family. By not fulfilling my Dharma, I was slowly killing myself. Now I feel alive, loved and connected to my True Self. By listening and making that leap of faith I have come into a life of happiness that I only used to read about in my yoga books. It is there and it can exist. Listen to the whispers of the Divine. If you choose not to listen those whispers will become louder. If you still choose not to listen instead making your mind chatter louder to drowned out the messages, the Divine will turn your world upside down. Making it very uncomfortable for you until you listen.

Do your Dharma!!!! You know what it is. Listen!

Life is Suffering

I discovered Buddhism before Ashtanga Yoga. The simple messages of the Buddha appealed to me after 12 years of Catholic school and several years as a born again Christian. My mother was very committed to the church and my family were all involved at church; sister played in the band at mass and all my brothers were altar boys. Spirituality has been modelled for me in many different ways.
The first Noble Truth of Buddhism, life is suffering, hit home after being divorced at 22. But it wasn't until I hit my 30s did it really make sense to me. The simplicity of Life is Suffering states the obvious which can get your mind away from your life's drama for even one second. When the mind quiets maybe you can connect to that inner light that lives in all of us. This cannot not be forced...it just happens. And it may only last a few seconds or minutes. The the drama returns....the tragedy begins again. You get distracted by life. But a small tunnel to this inner light has remained open and a new awareness has been sparked. Now you know you are distracted and you know the little things you do to stay in the unaware state. Over time this grows if you nurture it and do practices to support it.

This scene from Eclipse can distract me and yes it is suffering.

Freebie list

Do you remember that Friends episode when they made their list of famous people they would be allow to sleep with if they had a chance even though they were in a relationship?

Here is a reminder:

I think every couple has talked about the freebie list. There is always one person that seems to stand out as an odd choice on the list. I am sure everyone's list changes a bit over time. For example, Matthew Mcconaughey use to be on my list but he has slowly been moved down the line to make way for new eye candy. Some of my freebies are characters actors have played but I would settle....I guess...for the actor if I had a chance.


5 Guys


1. Alexander Skarsgard - Oh yes! The bad boy vampire from True Blood. He made it on the list immediately after first seeing him on the show. He shot up to the top with one glance. I do love vampires and have since I was in high school. This is not the only vampire that has made my list, either. Alexander has a lot going for him other than his looks. He is tall; standing at 6'4". One very big plus in my books as I am a very tall lady. A lot of what I am attracted to with Alex is his character from True Blood. How he holds himself, the pale skin, his voice and his calm, dirty bad boyness! ( is that a word?)



2. John Cusack - Most women I know have John on their list or at least as an honourable mention. It may be because he was in teen movies in the 80s and have remained in our hearts since then. He has continued to be handsome over the years. My favourite part of his is from Grossed Pointe Blank (1997). This is the role that did it for me and he was on the top of my list until Alex appeared. I think it was the black hair and black suits that put the cherry on top. But even his role in Being John Malkovich, High Fidelity and Serendipity were very dreamy. Though, if I had him for one night he would be done up as his character from Grosse Pointe Blank.




3. Steve Martin - Alright, here is the odd one on my list. You read it right.....I am talking about the comedian. Can't really explain it, either. He is just on the list. I think he is very attractive. He is the oldest man on my list being 66. Did you know that he plays the banjo? Steve has staying power as he has been on the list for a long time but not as long as the next man.







4. Agent Dale Bartholomew Cooper - Agent Cooper has had a special place in my heart since I was 14 years old. He strange but overly sexy character from Twin Peaks played by Kyle MacLachlan. Once again the black hair and black suits. I would prefer to have Agent Cooper over Kyle but I would settle for the actor in this case. 
This choice may tell you a lot about my character. I love the show Twin Peaks and all of it's crazy. My husband, also, loves the show and it was one of our main topics when we went on our first coffee date. 








5. The Vampire Armand -   Armand played by Antonio Banderas. There would be no substituting Antonio the actor! It has to be Armand!!! I read all of Anne Rice's books and, yes, I know that this is not a true depiction of Armand but I don't care. Antonio did a good job and boy howdy he was hot. I have a soft spot for vampires. 
With Armand, it was the long black hair, the pale skin, the clothes and the voice. 
Antonio himself is way too short for my taste and I do not like his choice of women. 






There are a few honourable mentions to this list. Edward Cullen (yet another vampire), Joaquin Phoenix & Matthew Mcconaughey.

I think I can...maybe next time

In the Mysore room every morning, I see many students effortlessly go up into headstands, Salamba Sirsasana. They set their hands up, put their crown of their head on the floor and lift their legs. Just like that. Breathe 20 breaths, legs come down half way, breathe some more then come down to child's pose. Simple right? We are Ashtanga Yogis and this is what you do.
I wish!
I get to that part of the closing sequence and first do a few modified handstands without putting my head on the floor....arm balances really. I do this to feel the connection to my shoulders and to make sure I am moving the shoulder blades down the back towards my hips. It is a nice prep posture; a modified dolphin pose.

This is what I imagine I look like trying to do a headstand.

Feeling confidant, I put my crown on the floor sink the shoulder blades and come up to my toes. Good so far. Good to go a little further, I start to walk my toes in while bending my knees and JAM JAM JAM!!! Those yoga fairies put cement in my spine again while I was sleeping! Damn you yoga fairies!!!! They come at night, they can either sprinkle you with the 'Amazing Practice' dust or the 'Cement' dust. They are tricky little tricksters! It's always nice to put the blame on someone else.....as long as you are aware you are doing it. Don't fool yourself.

The Green Absinth Fairy from Moulin Rouge

So I will try a couple of times lifting one foot then the other off the floor and that is it....child's pose. Defeated! Once again the yoga fairies won. You can almost hear their little, muffled giggles.

The other day, after teaching 3 classes, I thought it would be a good idea to try doing a headstand with the assistance of the wall. Try something new. Approach it with a clear mind. Wipe out any preconceived ideas about the pose. There is no Jam, Cement or Fairy Dust this time. I pump myself up.
My back is not to the wall but my feet are. My intention is to walk up the wall with my feet. I get set up. Placing couch pillows around me just in case I fall. My son is watching cartoons across the room, focused on the tv and has no idea what I am doing. I set up, doing the modified dolphin pose and ready to do a headstand. Determined to do a headstand. I picture myself in my mind doing a headstand. I know this time for sure.
I walk up the wall....pressure on the top of my head is still 10%. Good! Ok time to lift one foot away from the wall and point it up to the ceiling. My leg is moving in slow motion....foot points to the ceiling. OMG I feel balanced!!!! Freak out!!! Tense my upper back and neck and come down.
Child's pose....I hear no fairy giggling.
.........
.....
...
What the heck just happened? I freaked out! But I felt balanced? I could have brought my other foot up. But instead I freaked out because I felt balanced.

I get up, put all the pillows away and sit on the couch with my little boy.

The yoga fairies paid me a visit that night.
Yup.
I will tell you all about it in my next post.

True story.
***************************************

On a side note. I think I got the yoga fairy idea from someone else.....maybe Harmony.

12 Influential People

In my life I can think of 12 people that have influenced me greatly.......so far. All in VERY different ways. I am thankful of all of them.

Ms. Forsyth - Grade 10 English Teacher
When I entered high school I really had no idea what was going on, who I was, what I was thinking, where I stood in myself, if I was still living or did I die with my mother a year before. I was always feeling like something was going to happen, something big and so I was perpetually in a ready state to attack. Fight or flight.....usually fight. I was quiet and shy but if you got in my territory.....watch out! Cause this is mine and you are not getting any of it!
What softened me was literature, poetry and Shakespeare. I would be swooned by books; even the smell of books. I would watch Dead Poets Society at least 3 times a week. I was in my own little world of Byron and Shakespeare. My Grade Ten English teacher, Ms Forsyth, saw this in me and would suggest more great works to me. She read my poetry and would praise me for being so bold and raw. She was the first person to believe in me since my mother had gone. I am sure she knew that I needed some fantasy in my life to help me through the difficult times. I would tell her about the books she suggested after I read them and she would notice the life coming back in my checks.
There was an advanced level art history english class being brought in that a student would have to apply for and be accepted. It involved an art history class, special english class and a social studies class. At the end of the year the class would go to Europe and see where this history happen. It, also, include a trip to Assisi where our school's patron saint was born, lived and died. I applied in hopes I would be accepted even though my marks or my attendance were not that great. I did not make the cut and Ms. Forsyth told me in person so that I would not be discouraged. I was very disappointed but her faith in me made it easier to handle.
Many years ago, I went to see the new Merchant of Venice with my husband at the Globe theatre in downtown Calgary. (the version with Al Pacino) Ms Forsyth was there. We gave each other a quick nod hello. I was so overwhelmed with seeing her I had no words that could get past the lump in my throat. I wonder if she knows she helped re-shaped me as a person after experiencing so many devastating events in grade nine. The love of literature is still with me today.

Madonna
There are only three people on the list that I haven't met personally. Madonna is one of those people. I love Madonna! There are two things that Madonna did that influenced me significantly:

1. Truth or Dare
2. Her interview with Oprah

In her movie Truth or Dare, Madonna showed the world a side of her that had never been seen before. No not her boobs! That was old news. It was her journey through life without a mother. There is a part in the movie where she visits her mother's grave and lies next to it. The song in the background is Promise To Try. The lyrics to this song hit a very sensitive place in my heart.
Here is the part from the movie:

I saw Madonna on Oprah in 1998. She talked about Ashtanga Yoga. I have posted the video below. There is a part where she looks at the camera and says 'do yoga'. It has been edited out of this clip but it was in this interview. After seeing this I found a yoga studio and started my yoga journey. I am so grateful to her! There I times I feel that I know her so well because we share some deeply intimate things in common. 

Craig Strukoff - My Husband
Oh yes, Baby, you made the list! Before I met Craig I swore I would not date anyone else because they would cut into my reading time. I was determined to become a hermit, only leaving the house to go to work. I met Craig at work. "Ha!" says the universe.
Craig has taken everything in me that I was not sure or shy about and validated it. He has introduced me to my True Self and fell in love with my True Self. He helps me, supports me and joins me on this Spiritual Path. He has helped me fine tune the gifts I have. He understands my intuition and that I am just not good a small talk. He finds humour in my bluntness. He is the encyclopedia and I am the card catalogue. He is my interpreter and my filter. He is a fantastic writer and would have wrote this a lot clearer and romantic..er then me. Thanks Spankie Roo for being my Spankie Roo!

Craig & I on our Wedding Day.

Todd Campbell - My boss at Van Houtte Coffee
Todd taught me that not all bosses are assholes. He taught me how to be a leader and a friend at the same time. He taught me that you don't need a degree to be a successful person in the corporate world. Todd was the Western Regional Marketing and Sales Manger for Van Houtte Coffee Services. During my interview with him, he gave me all these tests....personality test, aptitude test, math test. I failed all of them. He said that the personality test told him not to hire me because I do not take leadership well and tend to rebel. This is exactly why he hired me, he wanted someone that would think of things differently and be able to hold their ground. Yup that is me. Todd inspired me.
'People don't buy what you do, they buy why you do it."
There is a TED Talk that explains Todd the best HERE.

Shell Arkell - My best friend turned greatest enemy
I will keep this brief because she won't like me writing about her at all.
Shell and I were inseparable. We lived next door to each other, sharing a wall. For about a year we did everything together. For about a year I had forgotten everything I learned in junior high and through to my twenties about self worth and self esteem. For about a year I forgot about me. I was moulded into someone that suited Shell's needs and became a trophy best friend. As I slowly started to wake up to what was happening.....this was around the same time I started practicing Ashtanga yoga seriously.....I would rebel against her. Not talking to her for a few days or a week at a time. Our friendship did not survive Burning Man 2006 and we have not talked since. It got messy and then it just went away.
What did I learn from Shell? Some great tips about mothering that I still use to this day. I learned how to party until I could party no more. I learned to not hand my whole being over to someone because people do not know how to handle me with care. I learned that over time the deepest of wounds will heal but the scar will sometimes tingle as a reminder. When I feel that tingle I look back with a smile. Sometimes the greatest lessons are learned from your greatest enemy.

Jeff & Harmony Lichty - My Gurus
Here starts my long list of influential yogis.
I wrote a whole blog on these two people here. Here is a quote from it:
"Jeff & Harmony Lichty have been in my life as Gurus since I first started practicing in the Ashtanga tradition of yoga. About 3 months after I found Ashtanga yoga I attended a weekend intensive with J & H. I had never heard about the other 7 limbs of yoga until I met them. As they were talking about the philosophy I had tears in my eyes as I felt in my heart that I had finally found what I was looking for.....a 'coming home' feeling."
They opened up the world of Yoga Philosophy to me and are living examples of the teachings. Thank you for all you have taught me!

Ian Buchanan - One of my first Yoga teachers
After my first class with Ian I left the room crying. Ian took that class through a guided meditation at the end of practice that made Corpse Pose, Savasana, real. We were practicing death and our family members were selling all of our possessions in a garage sale! Ian tied all my buddhist studies to my new found yoga studies and he made it real. When I was at my most receptive, after an hour or more of yoga practice when my mind is calm and my body is too tired to react, Ian would take me on a journey of non-attachment. He has a gift of guided meditation. Also, he is a great teacher of Yoga and Buddhist philosophy. An expert in translating it to the modern, North American world.

Ram Dass
Ram Dass is love. His book 'Be Love Now' is amazing. I cannot convey here the message he has so I just suggest reading his book. His teaching are about loving awareness and bringing it into everything you do and think. His story is inspiring and a spiritual road map especially for people who's spiritual journey started with experimenting with psychedelics. You can make those glimpses of awareness your everyday life. I have not met Ram Dass personally but I can feel his love across the ocean.

By Dean Chamberlain

$teven Ra$pa - Event Planner Extraordinaire 
This is a quote taken from Mr. Ra$pa's website:
"Artist, performer, writer and director, $teven Ra$pa produces and lends his event production skills to private and public events ranging in size from 50 to 50,000. As an artist, arts advocate, noted personality and speaker, he regularly brings together innovative artists, gifted performers, DJs and musicians of stunning variety to create one-of-a-kind experiences ranging from ruckus to refined." 
I have attended $teven's event production workshops at the Burning Man Leadership Summit in San Fran two years in a row. I have learned more from him then I did at college getting my event planning certificate. He knows how to direct people that want to be directed and engage people that just make trouble. He is inspiring to me because he is obviously living his life the way he wants to and is having a great time doing it.

Photo by Dave Mead

James Altucher - Blogger

James lives in New York with his Ashtanga Yogi wife Claudia. I discovered his blog about 6 months ago and read it everyday since. I first read his blog about being completely humiliated by yoga and then his how to be the luckiest guy alive blog. James inspired me to start writing a blog.....an honest blog. Raw and unedited to be politically correct. His how to be the luckiest guy alive blog I took to heart and has made me a better person. I encourage you to read a few of his posts and hope you love them as much as me.

In no way are these people in any kind of order of least to most inspiring! But I did leave the most humbling to the last.
Ivan Strukoff - My son
Ivan is six years old. Having a son has given me a job for a lifetime. He knows how to make me smile deeply in my soul and he knows how to make me go completely crazy. Ivan has shown me what hard work really means and how precious sleep really is. I know how to love as only a mother can love because of my little dude. Ivan has shown me how to have fun again. He is magic!

Thank you to all these wonderful people and for all they have taught me.

I am a Stepping Stone

I am trying to get comfortable with the idea that I am a stepping stone to many people in my life. Now try not to think that I am saying that I get stepped on or trampled on. I don't tolerate that and make my feelings known if that sort of thing is happening. You know like bullying. I had my fill in school and now know better because of those incidents a long time ago. I mean that when people meet me, they will get really close and when they get their fill, grow within themselves or are satisfied they are in a certain place, then they move into a different type of relationship with me. This usually means they become an acquaintance or someone I will only see once a month. I would like to think that they will come back one day but this rarely, if not never, happens.
Much of my day is spent wondering what I did or said to them to make them go away. Recently, I have been attempting to make this very unproductive and damaging thought process more positive and soothing. So that maybe one day it will dissipate completely. A very difficult practice.....harder than Marichyasana D. Well for me at least. It leaves me gasping for air with my hands bound behind my back. All the while, trying to hold the Fourth Bandha. Smile!

Reflecting on this thought process, I was reminded of a very enlightening blog by James Altucher, "How to Deal With Crappy People". In his blog he defines the four types of people for a friend that has Asperger's Syndrome which means she has difficultly reading social cues in people and responding to them in the 'correct' way. 


James' four types are people are as follows:
1. Happy People
2. People in Pain
3. Good People
4. Crappy People


The people I attract are in category number two, People in Pain. He goes on to point out that the '...unhappy people can easily turn into category #4. You always have to protect yourself first. Be compassionate but keep your boundaries. Your goal is your own peace of mind throughout the day, so you can focus on your own success....". This is where I fall short. I tend to give to much of myself and lose a good chunk of myself to these people. When I withdrawal after realizing what I have done, they tend to move to category #4. This story has been repeated many times in my life. This is a wheel that gets turned again and again. 
I must stop this or embrace it. 
I have tried to stop these types of relationships from happening and they still happen. No matter what steps are taken to prevent the detachment or even not giving into the friendship and staying detached from the beginning, the acquaintance stage will happen again and again.
So I have decided to embrace this role of being a stepping stone. This will involve many hours of Svadhyaya, Self Study, to cultivate a self awareness to protect myself. And I will have to embody Satya, a commitment to truthfulness. I am not budging on my beliefs, practices or self preservation. People will come and go. I will always be here when they decided to take to return to the path or if they need a small fill up. 
How is this different then what I have been doing already? Well it's taking James' words to heart. I will be compassionate but keeping my boundaries. Don't give myself fully. Self preservation. SELF.....True Self preservation. Embody my practice and be an example. 


"Lots of people like to be seeking God, but not too many want to actually get there". Ram Dass

My Son is Rising

Tomorrow will be my son's last day at the Society for the Treatment of Autism (STA). He has spent the last three years there in intense therapy for Autism.
When Ivan started there he was completely non-verbal, didn't make eye contact with us and would only spin plastic container lids on the floor. Now he doesn't stop talking, can read and can look at us in the eye. I will never forget the first time he called me Mama or when he first said I love you.
There has been many therapists over the years that have worked with Ivan to help him get out of the clouds. Craig and I are so thankful for all of them. If I was to win the lottery tomorrow I would give a significant portion to the STA because they help re-create my son by pulling him out of his autistic fog.
Maybe one day I will get to mill over my feeling about autism, or my theories but right now it just seems too close......to soon.
Next Thursday my son will be going into a regular Grade One classroom and I am so proud of him!

Deliberately Flat

"When I was 5 years old, my mother always told me that happiness was the key to life. When I went to school, they asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I wrote down ‘happy’. They told me I didn’t understand the assignment, and I told them they didn’t understand life."

— John Lennon

I feel a strong connection to John Lennon. I love to read about him, watch shows about him and even just look pictures of him. He just seemed like such a real person in front of the world. Searching for his True Self on TV, in interviews. Some of the people interviewed about him have said that there were times he did things to just do things. Think of the song I am the Walrus, written in spite of an professor. But who doesn't do stuff like that? Like really? It is a stage many people go through.....doing stuff to shock people or see what the reaction will be. But with John he didn't just disappear after shocking the world; his life took a real downturn in the public eye. This is the time he was separated from Yoko Ono. He was drinking a forty of vodka in the morning and a forty of rye by the end of day. He really hit rock bottom.

"I was dreaming about the past,

And my heart was beating fast..."

Jealous Guy - John Lennon

John would write about his life in his music...he would go through huge, negative and even damaging events then write a song. You can hear it in his music. Playing out the game of life on his guitar.
He said in a radio interview after returning to New York after a drunk fest in LA, "we are going to play the song Scared. Which is how I felt when I wrote it but I am quite ok now". This song was on the Walls and Bridges song.
Then reinventing himself in front of us but being true to himself...being himself. He became a house husband and was so happy to be a full-time caregiver to his son, Sean.
Did you know that he deliberately tuned his D string flat? He did this for his Aunt so she could pick out which part he was playing in the song. I love that!
Okay, so I am too young to have experienced this LIVE but with the numerous documentaries I get to see his life through the eyes of the people he worked with and through Yoko. She really saved his life and it is a beautiful love story.  In the video below, I love how John starts off in a dark room and Yoko gets up to open all the window to let the light in. This is so true to John's life.....he was really lost before she came around. She brought light back into his world.

Imagine

"I hope some day you'll join us,

and the world will be as one."

Chaturanga - CHECK

The pose I have secretly hated for 5 years felt different last night. I love these moments in my practice when I try something new….in this case doing Chaturanga Dandasana from my toes instead of my knees….and if feels like I am strong in the pose. I made a mental note that wasn’t so calm or quiet. I have to admit it was some pretty intense mind chatter…..monkey chatter. It went something like:

“HOLY CRAP! That was easier!”

Then I did it again. And more chatter, of course.

“I did it again! It wasn’t just a fluke!”

Then I noticed I was chattering too much and stopped.

Now what I looked like in it…….I have no idea.  I may have had the sloppiest chaturanga. Doesn’t matter! I did it and with ease. Of course, I couldn’t keep it up through the whole practice. Baby steps…..it’s all about the baby steps.

What felt different? Well I could actually feel what it feels like to press out through my heels. I didn’t feel like all the weight was in my shoulders. It felt stable and easy.

Who knew??

 

On a side note: The words ‘I can’t do that’ have officially been deleted from my vocabulary!

The Fourth Bandha ala Jeff

Really there is only 3 bandhas.

Mula Bandha

Uddiyana Bandha

Jalandhara Bandha

But there is a secret bandha that only a few, very connected people know about…..the fourth bandha. Now I can let the cat out of the bag or you can travel to Victoria, BC and learn all about the fourth bandha.

Alright! Here it comes!

The fourth bandha is the superior movement of the Labium superius & the Labium inferius. The lips, of course. To create a smile. Yes that is it…..it makes you smile, doesn’t it?

I didn’t create this but I heard it from one of my Gurus, Jeff. He won’t claim it as his own either. He heard it from his Guru, Sri O.P Tiwari. He talks about the fourth bandha often and it really helps to lighten the mood. Most people have heard it before and just smile right away. But the new people, they are like, ‘What!!! There is another one I have to figure out how to hold?!!!”.

It makes sense, really. As a yoga teacher I see people hold their mouths in some of the angriest faces. But they are enjoying themselves, right? I mean they are coming to the yoga class because they enjoy it, right? Doesn’t look like it.

I like to use humor in my classes.  A few jokes here and there will turn those frowns upside down. The fourth bandha is engaged and the postures seemed to become a little bit lighter; a little bit easier. It’s the easiest bandha’s to connect with and engage.

Finally something that is effortless effort!

Jai Guru Deva

In 1967, the Beatles were intoduced to Maharishi Mahesh Yogi and they almost immediately devoted themselves to his teachings. They were very interested in this Guru's instructions on Transcendental Meditation and all of the Fab Four were taught how to do this practice. It is pretty amazing the impression that Maharishi left on the gents since they only spent about three weeks with him. Some of them didn't even last three weeks! Due to a scandal involving the Guru and Mia Farrow, the Beatles decided to pack up and leave India. The scandal did not prove to be true and many of the Beatles did reconcile with Maharishi before he died in 2008. It has been reported that their interaction with Maharishi inspired the Beatles to write songs differently and this amazing creativity can be heard on their White Album and Abbey Road.

Now I know that I picked a pretty controversial Guru to start off with due to the fact that he was very secretive after the scandal and he charged a huge amount of money to learn the techniques of Transcendental Meditation. Or maybe people question his meditation method because the 'out of the box' director David Lynch swears by it. Who knows?! I am intrigued to learn this method and see what it is all about. Please email funds to.....hehe

Really this blog post is about Gurus in my life and to explain what a Guru really is. So here we go........

What is a Guru?
In Sanskrit, Guru means the remover of darkness. I like to think of a Guru as a person that knows way more than me, knows how to know more and practices what he or she has learned. In North America, traditional Gurus are hard to find and a traditional Guru may not fit our needs. When I think of a traditional Guru I think of a person that has devoted every minute of their day to guide students through their teachings. This person lives in an ashram or has created an ashram (a place of study). They may not have married or had children but that is more my catholic upbringing talking. The tradional Guru has been brought up with the teachings and has practiced them all his or her life. This is what I think a tradional Guru is but I have never meet a real bona fide Guru from India.
What is a North American Guru? This is a relivant question to me. They are different because they live in the same type of society as I do. They cannot live in a cave or stay in an ashram because our society is not designed for this type of life. A North American Guru has to support themselves, they may have a business such as a yoga shala or meditation center. They may have a full time job like being an engineer or law assistant. But yet they get up every morning to practice asana and pranayama. They know how to apply the teaching to a North American lifestyle. They may talk of practicing Ahimsa when you were just cut off in traffic or applying Satya to little white lies.

Why do you need a Guru?
We need an example to follow. We need someone that knows some of the answers to the questions so we can copy them and learn from them. Cheat off their exams. We will learn from their mistakes and learn from their successes. We have to be willing to learn! Wholeheartedly willing to learn! We need to dedicate ourselves to learning from our Gurus and to respect their teachings. That doesn't mean we have to believe and follow everything they say. An excellent Guru would teach their students to explore and to even prove their teachings wrong.

Who is my Guru?
I have a few Gurus that are 'North American Gurus'. I try to spend as much time as I can so I can be connected with their teachings.
Jeff & Harmony Lichty have been in my life as Gurus since I first started practicing in the Ashtanga tradition of yoga. About 3 months after I found Ashtanga yoga I attended a weekend intensive with J & H. I had never heard about the other 7 limbs of yoga until I met them. As they were talking about the philosophy I had tears in my eyes as I felt in my heart that I had finally found what I was looking for.....a 'coming home' feeling. I would talk to my husband, Craig, about all the amazing things they talked about and he was so happy that I finally found what I was looking for.

Jeff really understands the mechanics of my tight body when I practice asana. He often repeats a statement that his Guru, Pattabhi Jois, would often say. It goes something like 'Yoga is breath, don't forget the breath. And the rest is just gymnastics'. Jeff says simple things in short, to the point sentences that I find myself remembering at all times of my day. During practice. When I am driving. When I am walking.
His beautiful wife, Harmony, makes my heart sing every time I see her. She has the magic touch. She can touch your shoulder in a yoga posture and all of a sudden all the tension is gone. Her touch gives you effortless effort. You have to be willing to accept it but it is there. Sometimes she just needs to walk by you and your pose transforms into something you have never felt before.
As a team Jeff & Harmony can teach yoga philosophy, pranayama, asana, sanskrit chanting and all of the tools you need to have a yogic lifestyle. How to eat. How to sleep. How to think or not to think. They are Gurus. If they would allow me, I would bow down and kiss their feet. But they prefer hugs. I am so thankful for them.

My short week with J & H
I recently had a amazing opportunity to study with Jeff & Harmony in their studio in Victoria for a few days. Usually I only get to see them when they come to Calgary every three months or so to teach 3 day workshops or one week Mysore classes at a local studio. My husband, Craig, finally had a chance to meet them and practice yoga with them for the first time. It was so nice to have him there with me. He normally doesn't get a chance to practice in a studio as he is at home taking care of our son. So this was a special treat for both of us. Craig received special attention from Jeff because he was a new face and new to the Mysore practice. It was inspiring to hear Jeff talk Craig through the different postures, teach him the importance of breath and give him the fourth bandha talk. (I will make a seperate post about the fourth bandha)
J & H's new son would sleep on a cushion in the front of the class room. He is just 3 or 4 months old and so cute. What an amazing gift, to be in the presence of all these yogis practicing and sleeping to the sound of their breath. This little boy is going to have an extraordinary life.

There have been other inspiring people in my life that could be called Gurus. I will be sure to write about them too. They knock my socks off and I get to spend time with them on a regular basis. I am truly blessed with all the wonderful teachers I have had in my life.

Jai Guru Deva

The Gayatri Mantra

  

AUM BHOOR BHUWAH SWAHA,
TAT SAVITUR VARENYAM
BHARGO DEVASAYA DHEEMAHI
DHIYO YO NAHA PRACHODAYAT

My First Experience

As with most yogis, the first time I heard the Gayatri Mantra it was sang by Deva Premal. The recording I found was a live one YouTube….please take a minute to watch it.

I was in tears the first time I heard it. I think it was a combination of the Sanskrit words, her beautiful voice, watching her sing with her eyes closed like she was singing it to higher being and hearing the audience sing along with her. I watched that video over and over again. It didn’t take me long to memorize the words. I am sure the people at work thought I was crazy listening to the song repetitively.

Then I found some info on Deva Premal’s website about what the song means to her. When in her mother’s womb, her parents would sing the Gayatri Mantra to her as a welcoming song and she remembers that it was a nightly ritual before bed to sing the mantra with her father. Deva grew up with it and when she was around 20 years old she was inspired to write the mantra into a song. This song was so popular with the students in her chanting workshops that she taught, that she decided to record it along with some other mantras on a CD for reference and practice for her students. She recorded the CD in her mother’s apartment where she was born and where she chanted the mantra with her father so many years earlier. The CD sold in huge numbers and people from all over the world were requesting the CD to sell in their businesses. This was the start of her new life as a widely known musician. Her father must have been so proud of her!

Many years later her father took a turn for the worse and passed on at the age of 83. As quoted by Deva Premal on her website:

"I feel so grateful that I could be there until the moment of his death. We were singing the Gayatri Mantra to him until the end and so the circle is complete: He accompanied the beginning of my life with it and I the ending of his. I am also very touched by my family...how they were all joining Miten and I with the singing for him...”

Who or What is Gayatri?

Gayatri is the mother of the Vedas. The essence of the Vedas. Veda means knowledge and The Vedas are a large number of ancient texts from India. The oldest scriptures of Hinduism and Yoga philosophy.

 Gayatri is said to have domain over the five senses: seeing, hearing, smelling, tasting and touching. And if you chant the Gayatri Mantra, Gayatri will protect these five pranas in you.

Meaning

The Gayatri mantra has been given to you as a third eye to reveal to you that inner vision by which you may realize your True Self. It will descend on you and illumine your intellect and light your path when this mantra is chanted. Gayatri is the reliever of all diseases. Gayatri wards off all misery. Gayathri is the fulfiller of all desires. Gayatri is the bestower of all that is beneficial. If the mantra is chanted, various kinds of powers will emerge in one. Hence the Gayatri mantra should not be treated casually. The attitude of surrender will grow in us as we recite regularly the Gayatri mantra.

Like sunrise after the night, the Gayatri mantra dispels the darkness of ignorance. The rays of the Gayatri mantra illumine the mind and intelligence and promote knowledge, wisdom and discrimination. This Gayatri has the subtle power of removing evil tendencies and implanting virtuous habits.

Wow! That is pretty amazing! Thank you International Sai Organization. 

Where is this from?

It is said that ancient Rishis, composers of Vedic chants, selected the words of the Gayatri Mantra. It is mentioned in many ancient texts called the Upanisads. This Mantra is one of the oldest mantras known and is the most powerful. Krishna talks of it in the Bhagavad Gita. So really it is the most ultimate mantra of the all.

What do the words mean?

There are so many interpretations of the mantra but I like this one the best:

We contemplate the glory of Light illuminating the three worlds: gross, subtle, and causal.
I am that vivifying power, love, radiant illumination, and divine grace of universal intelligence.
We pray for the divine light to illumine our minds.

What does it mean to me?

So when I first found this mantra I really needed it. I needed to rekindle my faith in humanity. I was so bitter and unhappy that the normal meditations with music or a strong connection with my breath in asana practice wasn't doing it anymore. I heard this and my coldness melted and my hopes defrosted. I once again saw the buddha nature in everyone. It is very powerful! So when I need to be brought back to my True Self I will chant this mantra. When I have an urge to return to old thought patterns or bad habits I chant this mantra. I want to help inspire other people that are getting caught up in the nets of Samsara, I chant this mantra. It has become a huge part in my daily life and this has made a difference.

Silentpanic’s song

I won a wonderful opportunity to help a very talented band, Silentpanic, create a new song. And guess what will be in that song? The Gayatri Mantra, of course. I will post it on here when it is complete and give all the details about how I won this awesome gift. 

Can't wait to hear it!!!!

Namaste

A New Day, A New Blog

Apparently in 2007 I decided to start a blog on this very page. I may have been even earlier than that as I recall it was a blog to vent some frustrations about some old friends of ours. Those friends have been gone for close to five years now and I no longer need such a bitter blog. I must have deleted all the old posts because I cannot find them now. Probably a good thing as I really do not want to re-live those old feelings.
So here we are in 2011.
2011!!!
So far this year has been full of many adventures so far and we are only five months in. Everything seems to be in overdrive in preparation for the shift of 2012. Including my awareness of all that is around me, how I spend my time and my connection to the Source. In-fact it has been all up hill since about 2007. Up hill to the Epiphany Sunrise of course. Up hill to a greater awareness than I have ever experience in this lifetime. I have learned many things over the years through yoga teacher training and self study, svadhyaya.
Recently I have been reading some amazing blogs and it is through these bloggers that I have been silently encouraged to start my own blog. In hopes of continuing it over time and maybe.....just maybe it will be something that will inspire others. Most of the blog will be based on experiences in my yoga practice (not just the poses) and the rest may just end up being rants. I am very sure it won't end up being bitter and directionless like my old blog of 2007.
So here we go....my first post is finished.
Namaste